I am sick with it. Sick with sad. Even though I felt that there was something wrong with me I couldn’t really name it.
But I would never wake up.
At a certain time I would not stay in bed anymore, I would do my daily routine:
Coffee & morning gongyo.
But I would not wake up.
I’d do my things but I would not be living.
I would be doing but I wouldn’t do living.
Pain in my heart. Pain in my body. Not liking myself.
But my friends and my swimcoach who see me and love me. My friends who show me they care my buddhist friends who chant with me.
So I am happy and grateful with signs of friendship. And I cry and bathe in love.
It’s a sickness and I am sick of it. So I am planning on buying one of those lamps that takes away the deeper darkness.
I keep you posted.
You whoever you are.